I have come to a point in my life I have to face the reality of the illusion that I have held for so long. This departure of my loved one is making every illusion I had to crumble to the very core of my being. Since we met there have been struggles and issues to work through and this had not so much to do with our relationship as with his background and family. Of course, this was bringing in issues as well between the two of us caused by patterns and learned behaviour. We learned along the way how to make this work to our advantage, making all the differences become challenges and learning steps. The love we share is strong and solid and kept us moving through many difficult times. Now, this is a moment in our life we had to let go of this strong connection in a physical sense. Which brings up new challenges to work with.
When we talk about grievance, I know we all have different ways to deal with the sorrow, the loss, the pain and the way we miss our loved ones not to be around as tangible as before. The way this is being shown and felt at this point in time, also brings up old patterns and wounds that weren’t triggered over the past years. Not until the illness and nearing death created a whole new equilibrium between the two of us. And brought a lot of new awareness and consciousness about disease and transition for us both. Apparently something as shocking as the death of someone you take for granted over the years to be around is triggering the need to spend as much time as possible.
These are challenging times, not just for the one who will be missed, it is also a trying time for the one who stays behind and had to learn to deal with it. The way people want to be around as much as the one who needs to say goodbye as well as an important issue to be open and upfront about. Not everyone has been paying attention or visited our home. Not until the news came out this was the last option to be able to come over to reconnect again. Many visitors over the last months of his life came by. I had to find my own balance between needs to be met. It didn’t work out so well for me when I had my ankle broken and needed care as well. You have to be able to find a way to let the emotions come forward and be addressed as well when it comes up.
Now we are months further since my love made his transition and everyone is picking up his and her life as much as possible. It also showed me how everything in my life has been wrapped around my service to my love to maintain the connection with his family. He was the glue for me that kept me in touch and connected with the people he grew up with. The glue is gone and what is left is a lot of emotional issues for me to work through. It has been triggered many times in many ways. It also brought a lot of wounds out into the open for me now to acknowledge and address in order to heal and let go. This is a mourning process as well as the loss of my love in my day to day life. As much as I am connected with him, this is something I have to do on my own and for myself. I need to cut the cords and ties that keep me connected with people that haven’t been uplifting in my life. This is what needs to be dealt with, down to the bottom of the well so to speak, to create clearance and balance within.
It’s like a waterfall streaming faster and faster until the water finds its way through the rocks and speeds up when it’s near the cliff to fall down from a height. The splashes and whirls are the emotions that are swirling triggered by events over the past weeks and months and I feel like I am drowning at times, just to come up in time to take a deep breath before the next wave comes crushing me. It is a painful process, yet it is one that needs to be done, in order for me to be able to find myself in calm and clear waters again. There is beauty in it as well if you take the time to watch what is happening within, the turmoil, the crushing of the emotional state as well the mental conditioning that falls down with it as well.
Family is a weird thing. We grow up in it, we learn our strategies and coping mechanisms as well when we have more siblings. We learn how to deal with trust issues and how transparent it sometimes seems and just isn’t because the clouds of deception have kept it hidden. The quicksand which sometimes tries to get you into the negative energy, that wants to be acknowledged as well. As well as the loving attention we receive and nourishment, that brings us in a better place. The mirror they reflect each other as well as your own reflection. And what do you see, when you do take a closer look. Is it someone you want to be friends with and someone you can trust and rely on? Or is it work in the process of getting there with all the help you are been given along the way? Most likely the work in progress, because we all are learning along the spiral way of consciousness and awareness. Just to find new steps along the way, teaching and getting in your face so to speak. All just because it wants to be healed and released in search for love.
Self- Love is one thing I have come to learn that is a major lesson to learn for many of us. Sometimes we need to take steps to make sure we are shielding ourselves from harm. It is clear to me in order to stay out of any kind of negative energy, I need to create the safest way and the most loving way. Not just for me, also for those around me. Understanding the patterns and emotional wounds are one thing. Yet if this is causing me sorrow and pain because of the negativity, I have to make my choice. To release and let go of any ties and release anyone from family bonds in order to create my inner safe haven, I made the decision to cut the cords. I can only work on my own emotional issues without depending on others to bring in love and attention. This is my job, my commitment to myself. I have the option which way I want to go with all the things that are not mine to heal in the first place. I can only step aside, lovingly, to any party that I need to let go of in my life in order to find inner freedom and liberation from old patterns I have created along the way.
I know Love will always have my back no matter what happens. Although my heart is filled with compassion and loving attention, my journey is my journey. I cannot heal any one’s journey. I can love them in their own way and in their own space. It doesn’t mean I have to be around them any longer. I can only bring in the love within the spaces that are being washed through the waterfall and let it be cleared and begin to slow down so the water will be calm and flowing again. Never stop the flow of energy, for it needs to be able to do so in order to bring in the changes that are needed to heal. Liberation is a process, that cuts both ways. It addresses the emotional eruptions as well as the release of the core issues that are causing them. Time for clarity in every sense of the way.
And so it will be done.I would like to receive weekly articles in my inbox