After having shortness of breath for a longer period, I got my diagnosis confirmed yesterday. Apparently, I have asthma which came as a shock. Labeling my lack of energy, as well as periods of catching my breath to my weakened immune system. Looking at it from a different perspective, it also made me realize I have been holding my breath for a long time. If I must put a date on it, I guess it already started in 2012.
Periods with a lot of stress, which were part of my daily routine and life over the past 8 years. Dealing with the illness of my beloved partner which lead to his transition in 2016. Leaving me alone for the first time in my life. I had to learn how to adapt to being single. Even though I knew I am an independent soul, capable of living my life on my own. It was also incredibly challenging. Those years going through all those struggles wayed heavy on my chest, and heart. Every time messages were brought in more bad news for the both of us, it took my breath away.
Yet we had to go on, working through the process together, each in our own way. At times, I had to push through, even though it was to be confronting. Being strong for the both of us at times, to hold the balance between the challenges and quality time. Over my head when the family and friends were coming over to be with their brother, son, friend on a regular basis. Where I needed the rest and quiet time for myself. It also was challenging because of the old patterns that were broken. Walls kept tumbling down so to speak.