What is it about infidelity?

INFIDELITY: the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner; synonym: unfaithfulness, adultery, unchastity, cuckoldry, extramarital relations, extramarital sex; faithlessness, disloyalty, falseness, breach of trust, treachery, double-dealing, duplicity, deceit, perfidy, perfidiousness; affair, liaison, intrigue, amour; informal fooling around, playing around, playing the field, cheating, two-timing, hanky-panky, a bit on the side; formal fornication

This topic is linked with betrayal if you take a look at all those synonym explanations. It has been played out I think, as old as humanity is after the split when the duality became the norm in our world.

Like cheating, breach of trust, the wounds that are inflicted are deeply felt and hurtful. It has many consequences for all parties concerned no doubt. So what is causing this kind of treachery, the deceit of the ones you love and have your trust. Is it lack of self-worth, self-love and self-respect that makes someone decide to start a web of lies. Root cause of all of the double-dealing is apparently fear of being loved, yet not able to love oneself deeply. (more…)

It is not something we learn as a kid how important it is to matter and loved. There are lots of people all over the world, who miss the confirmation of being loved unconditionally by parents and family. So many people missed out on the basic safety of this parental love. Those who are not raised with love, are deeply hurt within. They carry deep emotional wounds that need healing. Yet mostly it is trying to find a way that is a reflection of their self-awareness. We look at our role-models, which are our parents for one. Family patterns are dominant in the way children are raised, as well as the community they live in.

How we are being taught the importance of the basic life lessons, of creating a safe space to live. Treating each other with respect and dignity. Where honesty and integrity are the norms as values, as well the qualities that come with love. It only takes one look within ourselves to see and feel deep within how much love we can give to ourselves. To have self-compassion, so to speak. To know how important it is to be seen and heard. To be valued and confirmed. These are the parameters we are looking at our selves as well. The need for or lack of loving reflection will be a great part in the way we are able to deal with the day to day challenges.

Every one of us wants to be in a loving relationship, with our children and our partners. Our parents and family. Only a great majority of people don’t grow up with the stability of a loving and sacred or safe home. If we look at this in a micro manner, just our own family, our parents, and grandparents, we already can establish the healthy way we are raised, or where there is lack of this. Trust issues were created where there was a lack of love. Or in other words, every situation where there was a lack of love, fear was king. This is what ultimately is the biggest issue for everyone. Fear of being left alone, fear of not being loved, fear for abuse and violence.

So what is also a root cause of infidelity is disloyalty and breach of trust. It is not just affecting the ones who are betrayed in their love. The biggest wound that needs healing is within the one who betrayed him or herself. The wound of fear, that needs to be fed. Only it will seek a way, which is mostly even deepening the wound itself of lack of self-love and self-worth. The masks that need to be put on, in order to keep the deceit from being discovered. No doubt this will have a major impact on the soul and heart of someone. Only those who are completely disconnected from their heart as well their conscious to know the difference from right and wrong might think they will not be affected.

It is the ones who are connected with the sense of right and wrongdoing, that feel the hurt and betrayal on their own soul and heart the most. In the end, they will feel more shame for the way they behaved. It will only add up to the sense of not being loved and worthiness. Sometimes it is hard to live up to the standard of treating each other in a respectful loving way when emotions are playing tricks on the heart. The feeling of falling in love, the need for sex, the thrill, the excitement of living on the edge, the way it is bringing up the adrenaline as well. It is a seductive kind of energy pool which establishes the high for a moment, followed by the lows again.

It may become addictive as well. No longer resisting the thrill of the new, the energy of the moment. It only backfires. It will be discovered one way or the other. It will cause pain, distress, hurt to all concerned parties. Not just the ones who are being cheated on, also the ones who are cheating. Every relationship needs a stable loving caring home. Not just the ones with others, the relationship with yourself is the most important one. The way we treat ourselves, against all warning signs. Going beyond boundaries, ignoring the signs and signals, the red flags so to speak. To wake up at one point, with nothing left. Nothing to come home to, because of the betrayal.

Most importantly, how do you want to come home to yourself? Do you want to ignore the facts, put the emotional damage under the rug, or in a box with closed doors? Trying to think it isn’t there as long as you can’t see it? How much do you want to come home in yourself, knowing it is a safe and loving space? The most vulnerable ones among us will have a hard time healing those wounds. They will have to work really hard to find their way back towards love and nourishment. We need to take care of ourselves in a loving way, creating a safe space for the inner wounded child so to speak. Shame as part of the process needs to be addressed and acknowledged. As well the need for healing and caring to be able to walk with a head held up high.

To be able to look in the mirror, in your own eyes, and be happy with what you see. The need for a helping hand, as well the ability to take it when reached out for. Love is required to restore the balance again within. The love as the emotional healer, the energy that creates a different view on oneself. Perception and perceiving are such important mirrors during this process. Finding our way back home, to the safe space we can offer ourselves, instead of looking outside for it. Every soul comes with her or his own mission and challenges to be addressed in a lifetime. We can help each other by reaching out, through a loving way of taking a deeper look at what seems to be wrong.

Compassion and kindness as tools from love, also work within for the healing to take place. Infidelity is one of the most difficult challenges to be dealing with in order to heal from within. Not by looking for excuses. By taking a deep and good look at the values we have integrated as well as incarnated. Acceptance as well acknowledgment, is part of the healing process as well. No longer being a victim of circumstances, just to justify the way things are been done. We all can change at any moment in time. We all have the opportunity to heal from within, with help and assistance. For we don’t have to do this all alone, or all on our own by choice. We are all connected, so we are all part of this process. The process of the one is the process of all. We mirror society, as society mirrors us.

In a loving connection, we are able to create change. Day by day, by choice, in order to restore a healthy loving base within. So we don’t have to express ourselves any longer through deception, lies, wrongdoing, whatever word you might seek. Change starts within. From the Heart, through the Heart. Step by step it’s creating a more solid base to stand on, to be proud as well self-caring and self-loving. By and through Love we can change our surroundings and the loved ones close to us. Where Love is, fear cannot exist.

And so it will be done.

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Rhea Dopmeijer

Heartfelt Messages
High Self @RheaDopmeijer ©

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Ahaa, its pleasant discussion regarding this piece of writing here at this weblog, I
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    I love it when individuals get together and share thoughts.
    Great website, keep it up! Thank you for the good writeup.

    1. Esteban Tejedor

      Hi Jim, thanks a lot for your support!

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