Do you know that feeling, not knowing where you are going? I can tell for the past years where I am
going, just because I cannot see where I will be in the future time. Either next month or 5 years from
now. I have never been able to see what life has in store for me. Other than just be aware of today, of
what happens right now. What type of energy I sense around or who I will encounter. It is never
revealed. You know what day it is, yet I cannot tell at times where it went. Because time is running me
over. To find myself at the end of the day in amazement what I did as well the sense of losing track of
I know we just started a new month and it will be one with lot of occasions to celebrate or just the
opposite. After one year I thought it would get easier because every first time we have passed without
you. Yet this time, and maybe it has a lot to do with the current energy shifts as well, I feel your absence
more these past few days. Like I am feeling being left on my own to make this happen while everyone
else is going on with their lives. It is a natural process, that I know. It is what life is all about isn’t it.
Moving forward, taking it by the day as it comes. And there it is, I not even know what the day will bring ,
other than what my agenda says.
Appointments on my week calendar, to keep track of time as a measurement. Enjoying the days I have
none. How weird is it, to enjoy that so much, till it dawned this morning. It feels like a day off, as in taking
a time out, or have a small vacation. Without going anywhere I feel free without anyone demanding
anything. Not that there are many demands. Yet at times I feel the pull of it, as being demanding,
because I want to be left alone, or on my own. It tells a lot about my stress level, or what they call how
much I am able to manage.
One moment I feel filled with energy and joy, high frequency filling. Strong and powerful, creative as well
more than equipped to live my life. It can shift in a split second into feeling low in energy, tired, sleepy
and emotional. This is pretty demanding in the moment for me to handle. Because it gets me of guard. It
sneaks up on me, so I have no defense system or whatever to adept to it in a split second. So these
movements are similar as well simultaneously with the emotions that come up. Sometimes it is about
feeling insecure how the future will be. Other times it is about coping to the situation. Or the moments I
really miss you around.
Just hearing you say it will be alright and you can do this. Yes I know I can do this. I have known this the
moment we learned how our future changed over day. I find it comforting to know that I have the skills
and strength, not just coping with a new situation. It is my foundation that holds me together and enables
me to move forward in a new direction. Which I cannot see, or have any idea what it will bring. Only that I
learn and grow day by day, expanding and evolving. Because that is what I do. Learning as the chronic
student I am, always have been and always will be. To put it in good use for the better good not just for
Where it will lead me, you know the phrase, God only knows. Yet I know the moments I feel a bit lost,
there is always this knowing within that keeps me going. How to explain knowing, I can’t. It is about
trusting my inner voice. Having faith in my sense of love, which is my compass. I am not the girl I was
when I got married, not the woman around my 50ies. Every experience through our lives has changed
me, some may say for the better, other not so much. Those who cannot understand me, the things I do
or say, my writings as well my spiritual connection with all that Is. I have no crystal boll that predicts my
future. Although there are those around me who can see where it will lead me, and letting me know there
will be a bright future ahead.
So what does that teach me? One, I have no clue because I cannot see past today. Two, it annoys me
that others can peek into the future to see what’s in store for me, while I cannot. So all I can do, is follow
my own path in my own way. Take it as it comes. Either emotions that erupt at times unexpectedly to be
addressed. Or actions I have to take in order to make sure there is food in the fridge in order to get my
daily meals. Life can be tough at times, doesn’t it. To think every day what to cook and what you need to
make that happen. This is a daily routine at times, other times it is a challenge.
I don’t know where I am going. All I know is where I am not going. My future may not be set in print, only
means it depends on what I decide today. Or how I can manage whatever comes my way. It is always
easy when you feel good and up to any challenge. It gets a bit more tricky when the challenge is harder
and tougher to deal with emotionally. They are familiar guests in my home, my body, my emotional
space. I know them, even those who come uninvited. I have more trouble with some, others are easier to
handle. I learned along the way how to deal with it, in order to create new space by removing all the
clutter it comes with.
What I also learned along the journey is letting go of control. The moment I am able to let go of the need
of controlling any kind of situation, there is this sense of flow. I can use this flow to work through my day
to day business. Without holding the reins to tight. This way the energy can come through, in order to
bring in exactly those challenges I need to grow and evolve. More to come even, the moment I can
release any that is holding me back in any area of my life. Including my different roles I have with family
and relatives. Detaching from outcome so to speak, as well the need to get the confirmation from others.
I don’t know where I am going and what the future holds in store for me. All I do know, I am loved on
both sides of the veil. I am supported in ways I never knew was possible. I get all the answers necessary
to enable me to make the next step. All that stands in the way, is when I am struggling or holding back.
That might be caused by grieve, or lack of trust. Mostly lack of trust in myself. I don’t have to fit in the
system when it is not my place to be. I know that, I learned it the hard way. I am at peace with it,
because that is who I am. Do I struggle with it, yes every day. Some days more than others. Yet I know, I
am on the right track, as long as a follow my heart as my compass.
And so it will be done.I would like to receive weekly articles in my inbox