I think it’s safe to say we all have those moments that we are being triggered by a song, a tune to bring up a memory. Sometimes it causes a series of songs, when I hear a song being played that represents the world to me. This happened a lot over the past 2 years, as it did during our entire marriage. Being married to a musician brings up all kinds of songs that signify our relationship over the years. Always were the lyrics most connecting part of the way I felt or feel, when one line sticks out.
This is my way of receiving messages as well, always with a line or 2 of a song. Part of my signature so to speak. During difficult times as well happy times, there were always lines of songs presented to me. Always in a positive or affirming way, sometimes in clearing ways within a situation I wasn’t clear about yet. Assistance I called it from another source than my own memory bank. Because writing and music are always so important for me, it comes naturally and feels close to home as well. So today wasn’t different from other days. It started with a line of a song confirming that my love was on my mind.
Driving on my way back home, I always have the music playing. Like I always have music playing from the moment I get out of bed, till I turn in again. This is a routine within our marriage as well. For music played such a big part in our relationship. So I listened to a song that meant the world to me, singing the lyrics that meant so much to the both of us. All I could do was singing along, tearing up, and reconnecting with the memories that are attached to it. I could almost feel and sense the physical presence of the moments we shared this song together. Some songs have that kind of energy, that represents the depth of the love we held.
Then another song followed which brought up other memories as well. It set up my musical journey, bringing up the emotions of moments of deep love, joy and happiness as well all the challenges we had been dealing with. Most importantly it allowed me as well to let go of tears not shed yet and had been triggered this morning. Sometimes triggers find the weakest spots to enable me to work through lingering emotions. Today was International Cancer day and my visit to my father in law. Still grieving over the loss of his oldest son and broke because of it. He and I talk every Sunday about him, as he says his good morning every day to his picture, telling him his girl is coming to visit him.
Both events were enough today to bring back the memories about the past years with all the struggles and challenges. But most of all, the way music played such a big part as well in the healing process. Through it all music bonded us in a deeper sense and this connection I have with him is still alive and present. Even during my walks outside I keep hearing parts of lyrics. Or when I am just sitting behind my laptop, writing my articles, there is a song that pops up, catching my attention. Ways to let me know our love is still present and alive as it has been. Connections that are made with a different state of consciousness at times as well.
Listening today to all these songs I came across, one following another as living proof how this energy or frequency comes alive. It also brought up the tears, the sorrow, the loss of his physical presence. So for me it assisted me in my grieving as well. The way we were together as a couple, as parents, as lovers and friends, all in one. Still the one I love and turn to, the only one I kissed goodnight. Some songs have the right words to describe the intensity and depth of our love together. Others represent the emotions of losing the one you love, the departure and letting go. It’s all wrapped in music because musicians are the creative force behind this outlet of universal emotions.
Today it brought not just the sorrow, it also brought me the gratitude and sense of feeling blessed. I know this is my way of dealing with the absence and how to stand on my own ground. It will be different for others maybe how to deal with the memories or emotions. Music is not my first love and it will not be my last, yet it is a very significant and important part of my life. I am grateful for the way music is assisting and aiding me during my healing process. For that’s what it is. Grieving is also about healing. Music brings back memories yet also it assists in release and letting go of what no longer needs to be hold. Our love is the essence and remains after the transition my love made 2 years ago.
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