I came into this world on 29th June 1979, I was born prematurely and as a result spent many months in an incubator – only weighing a pound – a bag of sugar. I was not expected to pull through, but if I did I would have learning difficulties because of it. Thankfully I pulled through and went home with my mum and dad.
I grew up in a big family; I was the youngest, with three half-brothers and half-sister. When I was old enough to go to school I had learning difficulties, as a result it meant I would be in the bottom classes. I spent most of my childhood on my own, as I had trouble mixing with other kids; I did not fit in and had very few friends. I was often bullied because I did not fit in and was different. (The world has not changed much).
As I grew up, I experienced some problems at home, my dad turned to alcoholism after losing his job at the factory. When he drank he would often get angry and beat my brothers with a belt. One of my eldest brothers had behaviour problems and spent many nights trying to kill himself. I often remember waking up late at night hearing him scream out loud that he wanted to end his life, thankfully he was never successful. Because of my dad’s drinking we were in an enormous amount of debt, we spent most Saturday afternoons hiding from the debt collectors because we had no money to pay them. This resulted in my mum and father getting divorced, I stayed with my mum, I was 11 when this happened.
I was 14 before I was considered to no longer have learning difficulties; I was able to take my GCSE’s and passed them. This was a huge achievement for me because I had missed a majority of the course work throughout the year. All my grades were below a D but they were passes and that was all that mattered.
Before my life started to change I was 19 still living with my mum and step dad after she was re-married 2 years earlier. I was working in a local company helping with office administration. I did not have many hobbies and was never religious, but I always looked at the stars at night and wondered, so I have always been spiritual. This was put to the test in 1998 when my mum had been diagnosed with bone cancer; she eventually lost her battle on 5th March 1999. This had a huge impact on me, but I thought it would at least bring the family together; unfortunately it only pushed people further apart. My stepdad met someone months after my mum died, she quickly moved in with her 4 children. I had nowhere to turn and nowhere to go. One night as I laid in my bed crying, I suddenly felt comforted and could feel someone with me. This was a defining moment as I was about to make the biggest decision of my life. The next morning I moved out with no furniture, I realised I would lose my home by doing this but I had to leave, and I did.
For a number of years after my mother passed away, I found it very difficult. I was often down and felt lost, but I still had contact with my dad, but his alcoholism was now much worse. He had developed diabetes, and was increasingly aggressive, and was often involved in fighting. He would ring me late at night to start an argument, or look for sympathy. One night he phoned me saying he had taken a number of tablets and he just wanted to die, what was I going to do about it? Naturally this was a cry for help, after listening to him for a while; he eventually said sorry admitting he had drunk too much. After this I had little to do with my dad due to his behaviour, I just could not deal with it.
My catalyst for change was in early 2002, without realising it these experiences had transformed me, I found it easy to listen and empathise with people and I felt better about myself because of this. I now had a purpose and it was to help people, starting with my dad. I spent many months trying to understand where his pain had come from and what he had been hiding from. What was fuelling his alcohol addiction? The truth was he loved my mum and did not forgive himself for losing her all those years ago. But he agreed to try and fight the addiction with me by his side. It was a challenging time; he had used heroin and cannabis as alternatives to alcohol, which ended badly. I managed to get him to counselling and on a detox programme. For a few weeks the programme worked but he quickly drifted back to his addiction, I was losing him and it was unbearable. On 22nd January 2004 I received a phone call from the police; they had found my dad’s body on the floor of his flat. He appeared to have died sometime in the night and I needed to identify the body. I found out he had cirrhosis of the liver which caused his death. As I stood there looking at my father’s empty shell I burst into tears, it was the realisation I had lost him. It is the hardest truth to learn when you are caring for someone you love. As much as you want to save them, you can only show them the door, they must decide to walk through it, and they have to want to help themselves. In the end the task was too great.
The only picture I have of my mother and father Christopher and Helen on the day they were married.
I love them and miss them every day.
How did all this affect me, how did it change me? To lose both parents before the age of 24 and leaving home at such an early age was very tough on me and it made me grow up quickly. It made me mentally stronger. I realised life was too short; and learned what was important in life. I wanted to make a difference to people’s lives so I needed a job that would help me with that goal. In 2006 I got my chance and joined the police service.
What I learned about myself is that everything in life is an experience, positive or negative. All those things that weighed heavily on my shoulders for all those years; such as losing my parents, having no home, being in debt, feeling completely lost. It all helped me be who I am today. By going through those experiences myself I was able to relate and reach out to others and empathise. I made peace with myself, admitting something I never thought I would ever consider. I loved my parents and miss them every day, but if they had not left me when they did, would I still be me today? Would I be sat here writing this story to you? So instead of looking back at pain, I see all life as experience. One that is needed so that we could become who we are in the here and now, I give thanks to the universe for my life every day.
This paved the way for my spiritual development and self-improvement. Now that I was at peace with myself, I began to think of many questions about existence? What happens when we die? Are we alone in the universe? Some of these questions created fear inside of me. Then one day in 2009 I started to meditate every day, after which my life would never be the same ever again. I began to AWAKEN.
The positive way it has impacted my life is that through meditation I learned to know myself, from facing my fear from within and clearing the mind of thoughts. Then one day it was like turning on a light switch. I remember the day very well, I was sat in a dark room with my eyes closed, but suddenly all I could see was electricity and light. I felt a tingling sensation throughout my body and my heart began to beat differently. It would be the beginning of my realisation, my discovery of truth.
This had a positive impact on my life, it started me on my search for truth wherever it led me. Because of meditation I could focus and concentrate on subjects I never before felt possible. It also helped me grow spiritually and put my life into perspective. Everything in life was an experience and a foundation on which to grow, it made me realise that there is no coincidences in life. Things happen for a reason even if it did not make sense at the time. I learned that adjusting my thoughts to positive not negative can transform your reality and change everything around you. The more spiritual I became, the more I realised that I was the creator of my own reality; there is nothing in this world you can’t achieve if only you set your intention on what you want to achieve, then work towards it and not give up. This has been my philosophy and by thinking this way I changed my life. I have also been privileged to meet some amazing people along my journey, which I would never have dreamed of meeting, there are no coincidences and whatever you put into life the universe brings it back to you in abundance. I now know my mission and what I need to do.
My transformation has not only had a positive effect on me, but on other people around me. People talk to me knowing that I am a good listener and that I do not judge. My search for truth has helped me realise how I can further help others with their awakening process. To remind people who they are and that they are the creators of their own reality. This has led me to creating a new Facebook page to help get truth out to people all over the world, at the moment I have close to 1000 followers. So far the feedback I have received has been really positive. People like the messages of wisdom and ancient knowledge. This is only the beginning and I have much to do, more people to connect with. We can unite together as one, together we can change our world.
Love and Light
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